a real conversation

i like talking to people because i learn. there are times, though, where face-to-face encounters with people terrify me. it's just so...well..."in your face"(obviously!). i get really conscious of somebody staring at me for quite a long period of time. he/she is THERE waiting for my next word, gesture, breath of air... there are moments where i absolutely run out of things to say; it embarrasses me that i have nothing left to share to people. yeah, it's such a VULNERABLE state. if i could only disappear into thin air at the moment wherein anxiety is creeping up all over me, i'd feel an ounce of relief.

don't get me wrong here... in a conversation, i prefer being the LISTENER. it's so fascinating to let the other person's words splash over my ears. i like processing his/her thoughts in my head and getting some meaning out of those ideas. listening helps me know the other person as who he/she really is. furthermore, listening stimulates me to do SELF-REFLECTION.

the odd thing about me is that i'm more open to sharing my thoughts via online media of communication, such as "instant messaging". it is through which i'm capable of having a 'REAL' conversation with another HUMAN person. i feel more COMPELLED to talk; perhaps, the risk of being vulnerable contains less impact. moreover, i have the luxury of choosing the right words that would best convey my feelings. see, i'm a WRITER at heart. i exude more eloquence and wit through written speech. (instant messaging is, 'technically', a form of writing, but it's done through typing...haha!). whereas, when i verbally speak, i start to tremble and get all tongue-tied.

putting things in focus, i have to say that instant messaging won't ever replace the real deal! it's sort of a SPRINGBOARD to having a real conversation, isn't it? two people talking face-to-face matters the most, of course. that reminds me, i'm now looking forward to having one soon!