ME = an afterthought and a stranger to everybody else?!

it's so bloody difficult to trust some people! at first, they seem so nice and good on the outside. that's what they want me to believe, so that they can gain some foundation of closeness with me. such gestures to forge relationships are part of an elaborate ruse to catch me off guard. actually, i'm not at all surprised by the deception and trickery that they may have up their sleeves. they have their own vested interests. i always expect that they'll hurt and let me down. i can't even recall one moment in which i've felt that they've been "there" for me. perhaps, there may have been several displays of sympathy; but such moments have not been that "genuine" enough to be remembered. it's such a shame that i've always felt like an "AFTERTHOUGHT" towards people, even those whom are really close and dear to me. it's as if i'm still a STRANGER to their consciousness. damn it! *sigh*