what the?!

when i feel so down, i don't cry...i stare into an empty void. tears aren't even enough to convey the gloom that has engulfed me. that's pretty much what i'm feeling now. i want to blurt out a myriad of verbal expletives so that i can release the tension. however, i stay silent. uttering those hurtful words won't even start to describe how bad i feel right now. sometimes, i want to physically torture myself so that others won't be able to inflict more pain upon me.

it seems that: i'm NEVER good enough! i always FAIL to measure up! i only give the LEAST of anything?!