i'm still okay...

lately, everyday, i have something to look forward to. it seems that i've been more calm and a bit less consumed by little details in work. at the start and end of each day, a smile lights up my face. i have this feeling that things will be okay, eventually.

i feel happy....i don't feel happy...i feel happy...?!?!

sometimes, it seems that i can be full of energy and do everything without sleeping for days. it's as if i've been taking large doses of Prozac everyday. actually, i'm not taking any!... i just feel somewhat happy for some reasons that i can't articulate. i'm not going insane, ok?!... i seem to have a newfound sense of optimism in life. although, sometimes, it feels like a phony kind of "positive" outlook. does that even make sense?...i'm not sure.

a misunderstanding...

yesterday morning, i woke up to my mom's incessant reminder to immediately lock the door after they've left for work. as she was closing the door, i blurted out that i haven't received my allowance for this week. she replied with an annoyed remark, "i already gave you your allowance around 8pm last night!!". my knee jerk reaction was: "huh?? i was asleep during that time!!! how can i have gotten the money when i was unconscious?!". suddenly, she was fuming mad saying, "what?!? i GAVE you the money last night!!! i saw you get the money from me! how dare you tell me that i forgot to give your allowance!! go look for it!"... then, she slammed the door, as she headed for the car. aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!... i swear, i was ASLEEP during that time...unless, i must have been sleepwalking and i completely blanked out that event from my mind. after an hour of searching my room and the rest of the house, i found the money near my desk. oh gosh! i WAS sleepwalking! apparently, everything has just been a misunderstanding... *sigh!

don't know why

i don't know why i get so stressed over little things, that i fail to do my tasks so efficiently. i'm always pressed for enough time, even though there's no need to rush. i easily scare myself with the "what if's" and hypothetical "doomsday" scenarios in every situation. i'm always a "bundle of nerves" under pressure!

*sigh*

sleep-deprived

i need sleep!... i wish i had the luxury to sleep as long as i want to. with so much work at hand, sleep has become expendable! i always find little time for sleep. i feel a throbbing in my head more often now because i lack so much hours to sleep. i'd do anything to sleep longer at night. i'm really bothered that my sleeplessness would further worsen my anemia, which could make me immensely vulnerable to sickness. :(

only a bad dream

last night, i thought it was the end of the world for me. i saw myself lose consciousness and become a lifeless corpse. the place was dreary. i felt really lost and exhausted. nobody was there to comfort me. i started to cry, even when i'm already dead and cold. i was so terrified by the uncertainty.

suddenly, a jolt of energy came through me. i screamed out loud! finally, i woke up again. it was only a bad dream.

i was lying on the bed, thinking back what my dream was about. i could not recall anything at all. my mind was blank and empty. however, i was shivering and uncomfortable.

what was that all about?...