*sigh*

i'm going to own up to the fact that i feel so vulnerable.

i don't know why i'm doing this. if i were more "myself", i won't even utter a word about it. i'd keep everything bottled up. that's what i've always done to "cope" with situations that confront me. in the short run, i would do just fine and dandy to get by the moment. pretty much my whole life, i've been "lying" to myself; i've gotten used to it. i tell myself that i'm "okay" and "fine", when in reality i'm in so much pain. i just brush it aside like it's nothing...like it hasn't happened in the first place. i know, i know...what i've been doing is pathetic! still, i live my life this way. when will i ever learn not to be like this?!

i don't know where this is coming from; i just feel so fragile that i'm going to be shattered into pieces.

what the hell's happening to me?? perhaps, i'm exhausted... but with what? i have no idea.

maybe, this is paranoia. i can't fathom why i'm so lost.

*sigh*

so far...

so far...i'm enjoying my summer vacation. i still don't know how long this would extend, until i find the right job for me. i'm not in a rush to work; at the back of my mind, i'm aware that when i do start working, i won't have as much time to relax. i really appreciate having the opportunity to do whatever i want, no matter how simple and ordinary it is. what's important is that i have fun doing it.

probably, i'm having the best summer, yet, of my life. i'm not going to mention the reasons behind this statement. all i can say is that this time has been the culmination of what i've become as a person after going through so many life lessons in college. this summer is the threshold of bigger and greater things that i'm about to face in the "real world". for the past years, i've been living inside a "bubble". most of the time, i don't give a damn as to what's happening beyond my comfort zone. i'm not saying that i've suddenly experienced a complete 180 turn and decided to drastic feats, which affect humanity, as a whole. at this stage, i'm trying to comprehend how to genuinely start and make something great out of this transition to becoming more human in life.

anyway, i feel like i'm thinking too much already with the previous paragraph. basically, i'm still a kid. at 21, i have so much to look forward to; i have so many things to accomplish and experience.

so far, i'm happy that i get to do one new endeavor each day.